First of all, they started the show with a group performance, the logistics of which we cannot even begin to comprehend. It was clearly difficult for the Rabbit, the Alien, the Unicorn, and the Lion as well, because none of them sounded quite as good as they have individually. And honestly, that performance was probably the most surreal this show has been so far, just a unicorn, a lion, an alien, and a rabbit casually performing together.
Other personal items included a magic kit, a police badge, and a scrunchie, and absolutely none of those things make sense to us yet. Is LaToya Jackson a police officer? Or is it not LaToya Jackson at all?
Scroll on down for all the other clues we’ve got so far, and come back with us next week to agonize some more.
Michael Becker / FOX; Michael Kovac/Getty Images for BCRF
Songs: “Fight Song,” “Oops I Did It Again,” “I Love It”
Born in Beverly Hills
Told she was tone-deaf
Always told she wasn’t good enough
Wants to prove you just have to believe in yourself
Said “they call me Bird”
Recently lost her sheen (Sheen?)
Wanted to exude model behavior
Said she’s feeling Victorious
Said she’s going for the gold
Only known as a gymnast “in the bedroom”
Words like “Floated” “Heaven”
Five little unicorns
Brought out a typewriter: “This typewriter has created lots of magic”
The Reveal: It’s Tori Spelling! The typewriter was Aaron Spelling’s actual typewriter!
Songs performed: “Livin’ La Vida Loca,” “Wake Me Up,” “Poison”
Lots of twitching
Was never alone on stage
“Pops” up here and there
Known for synchronized singing
Has performed in a mask before
Said the last mask standing “is gonna be me”
Said “Yes, in a band”
Amusement park/Coney Island themes
Food references – likes to “cook up something new”
Has felt “boxed in” in a group
Could not say if he had toured with Nicole (Eden’s Crush and NSYNC toured together)
Wanted to confuse the panel with R&B
Calls himself a trickster
“I bounce here, I hop there, and then I’m gone”
Busted out some old school moves, hoped he didn’t pass out
Brought a tiny magician kit: “It’s another way I like to impress an audience.”
Our Best Guess: Joey Fatone feels really right. The NSYNC member used to have a cooking show and had a Coney Island-themed hot dog stand in Orlando.
Songs: “Feel It Still,” “Love Fools,” “Happy”
Grew up in public eye
Anonymity is an alien concept
No one will control her again
Lots of snakes
Has many sisters
Kids toy imagery, more snakes
She’s a quadruple threat
Has recorded many things
Has been “poked and prodded”
Wanted peace and quiet
Always craved the simple life
Destined for the limelight
Brought out a police badge: “I’ve sworn to protect and serve”
Badge says Indiana
Best Guess: Those Simple Life/Paris Hilton references threw everything off, but LaToya Jackson seems more right.
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The Songs: “A Little Party Never Killed Nobody,” “Feeling Good,” “California Dreamin'”
Stepping away from her pride
Lots of women in her pride
Feels like she’s on cloud nine
Could be a “frontrunner”
Mask makes her feel courageous
Important to use her voice
Lots of protest imagery
Newspaper called “Hailey Times”
Wanted to prove being onstage is her destiny
Wants to be a “model of courage”
Loves The Wizard of Oz
Time to stop being “sugar and spice”
“Tick-tock, the twister is coming.”
Brought out a scrunchie: “It’s a family heirloom.”
Our Best Guess: Rumer Willis denied that it’s her, buuuut that means nothing. That scrunchie is throwing us off though…
Week 2: Performed “Rainbow” by Kesha
The Clues: Spent her life listening to other people’s stories and now wants to share hers, always been a sunny kind of person, never had trouble getting an audience, no one talks more than her, but recently suffered a tragic loss, so this show gives an opportunity to honor “my beloved,” found beauty in the darkness, like a phoenix from the ashes, I will rise up and find a light, so “don’t cry, baby, this one’s for you.” Dressed like a raven in a cage, says she’s a lover not a fighter and that she did host a talk show.
Week 4: “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga
The New Clues: Says this journey has taken her to places she never thought she would revisit, confronted the loss of her beloved with her last performance, the clouds started to part and a transformation began, lots of birds, she was once the loneliest bird among all others and no one recognized her beauty until years ago when a man came to town and took her away from her flock, cried tears of love into the Hudson River because she couldn’t believe someone finally saw her gifts, something about the year 1968.
Our Best Guess: Ricki Lake. She lost her ex-husband was even born in 1968!
Performed “Chandelier” by Sia
The Clues: Has had a long career, flown to soaring heights, says she never wants to stop doing what she loves and that being a “worker bee” keeps her young. Says you can call her “Queen Bee” but “Empress” also suits her. She wants to sing to a new generation, and says she started performing in the 50s.
Week 4: Performed “Locked Out of Heaven” by Bruno Mars
The New Clues: Peaches and honey in the background, usually watches faces and they lift her up, says the mask part is kinda scary because she’s singing the music of today and she’s not always on what’s happening in the world today musically, doesn’t matter how many awards you have, you have to be willing to flip the script. Gave the clue “take me to court.”
Our Best Guess: Gladys Knight, also known as the “Empress of Soul”
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Week 1: Performed “The Greatest Show” from The Greatest Showman
The Clues: Male, started performing at a young age, loves the spotlight, close friends with Michael Jackson, plays piano, has a small ceramic dog, very Las Vegas, impressive voice, was part of a magic act and said, “It’s probably been a while since your mom had a poster of me on her bedroom wall.”
Week 3: Performed “Counting Stars”
The new clues: So many different incarnations of his career and everyone thinks they know him, started out as a little teenybop but there’s more than meets the eye, cast in some dramatic roles, wanted to push himself further than ever before by performing on a 30 foot lift, even with a fear of heights. Said, “I have performed in Las Vegas.”
Our Best Guess: Donny Osmond.
Week 1: Performed “Don’t Stop Me Now”
The Clues: Male, he’s a monster because that’s what the world labeled him, here to rewrite his mixtape to prove that he’s more than just “puff and fluff,” was at the top of his game but the game turned on him so he retreated into a cave to take a break from the public eye, now here to set the record straight to show the world that no one can stop him, says he’s not a professional singer “to everyone.”
Week 3: Performed “I Don’t Want to Be”
The New Clues: Took a drive up from the south in his Cadillac, past New York City and the desert, feels like he can finally show the world his true self, back in the swing of things to celebrate getting his mind right
Our Best Guess: Honestly, we’re stumped, but Twitter seems to be into T-Pain.
Fox Alberto E. Rodriguez/VMN18/Getty Images For Nickelodeon
Week 1: Performed “My Prerogative”
The Clues: Male, breakfast is the most important meal of the day because he needs his strength, he’s one of the most dangerous animals in the kingdom, used to performing in a mask in front of thousands of screaming fans, has to dance whenever he wins even when it gets him in trouble, drinks orange juice, has a lot of money, and his favorite past time is bowling.
The Reveal: Pittsburgh Steeler Antonio Brown
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Fox Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Happiest Baby
Week 2: Performed “I Will Survive”
The Clues: Decided to be a pineapple because they’re “fun, tropical, and go well with ham,” been through some dark times, beat a life-threatening disease, this OG decided to take things as they come, never wipe the smile off my face, been in the public eye for decades, always dreamed of being a singer, has a bumper sticker that says “pipe dream” and is clearly into smoking weed.
The Reveal: Tommy Chong
Fox Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
Week 1: Performed “Thunder”
The Clues: 6’3″, chose the deer because they’re incredibly competitive, always considered himself a singer but not sure anyone else would agree, says it’s hard for people to get past who he is and what he’s known for, he’s been knocked down fifty times, but in the Wild Wild West you learn how to get up and get back in the saddle, likes horses, had to wrap his antlers in medical tape. He also said “Ravens beware,” and had to “take the fifth” when the panel asked if he played in the NFL.
Week 3: Performed “Get Your Shine On”
The new clues: Being in the bottom isn’t his style, used to be able to sell “salt to a slug,” now seems to sell used cars but can’t get his lines right, knows how to throw, really likes throwing, does a lot of throwing, throwing! Said “I have multiple world titles, started in track and field, then it went to horses.”
Our Best Guess: Another football player, perhaps Terry Bradshaw? He’s done car commercials…
The Reveal: Terry Bradshaw
Paul Morigi/WireImage; FOX
Week 1: Performed “Heartbreaker” by Pat Benatar
The Clues: Ever since she was a little girl she’s loved to be on stage and to take on a character. She picked a poodle because it’s sassy, smart, and best in show. She loves San Francisco and comes from a musical family, but she’s known for a different talent. She loves exercising her right to free speech and rainbows are involved. She’s returning to musical roots to show a side never seen before, and to figure her out we’re all going to have to WORK. She says “I’m here for your honor.”
Week 4: Performed “Time After Time”
The New Clues: Has to be flawless to do this role of the poodle justice, turns to best friends to practice new material, tells a joke so she’s definitely a comedian, lots of legal references, heights are her biggest fear, says she’s been fired multiple times.
The Reveal: It’s Margaret Cho!
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